I Love You but I’m Not in Love with You?

**Book Summary: I Love You But I’m Not in Love With You by Andrew G. Marshall**

Andrew G. Marshall’s I Love You But I’m Not in Love With You explores one of the most painful yet common moments in long-term relationships: when love feels flat, distant, or routine. Marshall explains that this doesn’t mean the relationship is over — it’s a sign that love is evolving and needs care, not abandonment. Drawing on his years as a therapist, he offers a compassionate roadmap to help couples rebuild connection, trust, and passion.

Understanding the “Love Drought”

The phrase “I love you but I’m not in love with you” often reflects emotional disconnection rather than the end of love. The initial excitement of romance fades as daily life, work, and parenting take over — but this shift is part of love’s natural progression, not proof that the relationship has failed.

Why Relationships Lose Spark

Marshall highlights patterns that drain closeness:

Routine replacing curiosity
Unspoken resentment building over time
Communication turning practical rather than emotional
Partners feeling unseen or underappreciated

He reassures couples that these patterns are common and reversible.

The Natural Stages of a Relationship

Marshall outlines that all relationships evolve through stages — each with its own challenges and purpose:

Romantic Idealisation – passion, excitement, and discovery.
Power Struggle – testing boundaries, managing differences.
Stability – acceptance, calmer emotional tone.
Commitment – choosing love consciously, not just emotionally.
Co-creation / Renewal – building shared meaning and purpose together.

Recognising these stages helps partners see that “falling out of love” is often just a shift from infatuation to deeper emotional growth.

How to Rebuild Connection

Marshall encourages small, consistent efforts: honest conversation, genuine appreciation, shared laughter, and vulnerability. Real love isn’t about constant butterflies — it’s about choosing to remain emotionally open and engaged.

Why It Matters

This book gives hope to couples questioning whether to stay or leave. It replaces confusion with clarity, and resentment with understanding. Love can survive emotional distance — if both partners are willing to see each other with fresh eyes and rebuild from the heart.